I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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