sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
