I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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