Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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