The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
