Got a toothbrush?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Let's get the cat blown out
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
