I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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