wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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