Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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