oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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