Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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