Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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