I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
