brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
