I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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