A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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