I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
