apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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