I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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