I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
