OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
why do cheetos always look like penises
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
