I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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