i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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