Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
