I cannot find my penis.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
