she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
