his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
