Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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