Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
