Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
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We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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