Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
