WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
