You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
this will be a night to untag.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
