what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
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Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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