i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
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apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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