this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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