It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
