dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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