a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
