I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
