Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Let's get the cat blown out
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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