This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
