remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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