im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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