you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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