left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
