wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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