Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
