i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just pee around me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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