I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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