I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
