I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
