The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
