dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
