The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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