I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
