so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
