I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
