I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
