Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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