Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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