i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
