I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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