I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
