just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
