Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
