So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
