I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you inspire me to be a worse person
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
