i barfeds in our rink
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
