When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
