So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
