is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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