i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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